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Thursday, June 29th, 2006
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3:38 am - still am awake but here is a little Q & A..someone do it!!!! TY
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ANSWER EVERY QUESTION NO LIES!! DONT TAKE IT IF YOUR GOING TO LIE!
1.WOULD YOU GET BACK WITH YOUR EX IF YOU COULD?
yes, my daughter's father
2. WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
a snap up the front old ladies skuffer lol it IS 3:30am!
3. HAVE YOU MADE OUT WITH ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S LIST?
nah
4. DO YOU HAVE "A THING" FOR ANYONE ON YOUR TOP 8? [on myspace]
Yes BUT he is too young & TAKEN DAMN!
5. HOW MANY PEOPLE ON YOUR LIST (my space) DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE?
about half
7. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT TO HAVE?
just the one I have~~~my daughter, Karah
8. DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
most definately tho not with my mother till my daddy died in 72, we are best friends now...but still she was cool when I was a kids tho..
9. DO YOU MAKE OVER 40K A YEAR?
honey I used to before I got ill WAY over
11. WHAT NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE BESIDES THE ONE YOU HAVE?
when I partied out of "state" I was Wendy LOL
12. WOULD YOU EVER MAKE OUT WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME SEX?
yeah, I DO have an Ellen thing, just her...but NO in "reality"
13. WHAT IS YOUR MOTHER'S NAME?
Anita
14. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BDAY?
had a cute party @ home with my loved ones
15. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
i hate cell phones, so the home line is RING!!
16. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP?
I never sleep
17.WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT TWO NIGHTS AGO?
playing N64 tetris, I am so LAME, right!
18. HOW MANY EX'S ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST?
I am NOT that stupid..plus I doubt they have the net in those nursing homes LMAO
19. DO YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR HAIR PULLED?
well when the time is right hell yes
22. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT TO DO:
die, naturally & go to heaven like a good little girl, or win alot of money & shop for anything I want
23. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM?
yesturday evening
24. DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLINGS?
since they both are millionaires, hell yes,
25. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?
my teeth
26. IF YOU HAD $250,000...HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
donate some of it to the heart association for neonatal, then buy a HOME!
27. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AT YOUR CURRENT JOB?
retired 9 yrs
28. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO TOM?
a few times
29. LAST PERSON YOU CALLED?
mommy
30. LAST THING YOU ATE?
a pop tart
31. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE MONTH?
any with alot of SNOW!
32. YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MONTH?
anything with temps over 70
33. WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM ANYONE?
leather pants from my daughter
34. WHO IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RIGHT NOW?
no one at all xcept myself
35. MOST VISITED WEBPAGE?
Neopets
36. LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGE?
been too long, Rachel
37. LAST PERSON THAT MADE YOU SAD?
if life was a person, it would be life
38. WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
definately I actually did
39. FAVORITE TYPE OF DRINK?
cactus juice & anything diet & caffiene free
40. FAVORITE FOOD? italian bread, black olives & REAL italian sharp cheese
41. FAVORITE DESSERT?
cotton candy
42. HAVE YOU BEEN TO EUROPE?
of course, all over, even places I didn't want to be
44. IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
pray for them, but I don't hate in the real sense
45. DO YOU OWN A CAMERA PHONE?
hell no, I do love my old 35mm tho
46. ARE YOU IN LOVE? TOTALLY...yes with someone I can never have, again...HIS LOSS
IF YOU ANSWERED ALL THESE HONESLTY REPOST "I'm honest. are you"
current mood:  lost
current music: in my head, a bleed the dream song
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2:09 am - I know, another long time no write....sorry
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Well, I actually am not feeling at all better than the last time I have written, really not able to sleep. I have taken any & ALL medicines to make me sleep, combinations of feurinal (migraine meds), and flexeril (muscle relaxants), AND 180 mgs. of morphiene, none of which work anyways, none of which would even kill me nor make my heart skip a beat even, but I tried. I did finally make an appt. with my heart surgeon for the 6th of July & I KNOW for sure he will tell me I need another open heart surgery, after the usual cardic cath. I am just not up to going thru all of that crap. I barely have any energy, Hell going to the grocery store puts me in bed for 2 days, I have zero energy, something is off, I KNOW I am not eating well nor taking the vitamins I need for this post op life I lead with the gastric bypass.
I KNOW too, now that my LDL (the bad Cholesterol) is high which the Dr. tells me now I am up for the "big one" heart attack wise, Hell I've had about 10 so far medium & small ones, AND now stroke added to that list. AND I havn't been back to the lung surgeon about the lung "mass" since Karah has been pregnant.
It seems since she lost Daniel, I am VERY depressed & not able to get over it, it is ALL because I have for so long, been a "realist" not having ANY hope or "things will be all good" ways of living since I was a battered wife, and for ONCE, when Karah WAS pregnant, I had such HIGH HOPES, and PRAYED ALOT & Daniel had his ups and downs, just never in my LIFE for one milli-second thought he'd die, not to mention she'd have to give birth to a dead baby, this tears me to shreads.
Yeah, yeah I AM a psychologist, and I KNOW what every shrink will tell me, and how to get over this, just I can't. She is just fine, Larry is fine, they both she more than he, were not as hopeful as I was, afterall, I AM hurting for the baby & then for MY baby, Karah...no woman should go thru this, I never thought I'd ever see my daughter so brave & so hurt & so shocked & all of those emotions that goes along with it, get thru this like she has & I am so very proud of her, yet still I am like jelly or goo that is slipping thru life's hands.
I am yes suicidal, but I would never do that to Karah, but I wish since now my heart is so much worse, that I will just have the "big one" & get this over with, it seems that only death can take this pain away, mentially & physically, the back surgery I had a year & a half ago (having my sacrum & coccyx) removed is now killing me MORE & all my ortho said is to "pray" as the tendions & muscles are all now torn & there is nothing he can do for this, so I can't sit or ile down for too long without being on my sides, GREAT...so IF I sleep, I wake UP! DAMN!!!
Other than that, I just "exist" I am looking forward to going out this Monday night to Sonar, for a "Kommencement Reunion" night, so I hope to see all my old friends there as that night DIED a long time ago, about 2 weeks after that DRAMA happened when some lame ass wanna be female singer threw a mike stand @ me, and the owner of the venue started booking bands into the place, which didn't really please alot of the "morb/goths" nor me that go there, so at least I do have something to go to & look forward too.
I love when Karah & my friends visit....I know we need to throw another party as those make me happy..just none of the things I DO, none of my crafts, nothing motivates me...not to mention I have been really tightly budgeted lately with trying to bring "meat" into the house because Karah's fiancee' can't do much with his child support payments being so high & so on....He needs a 2nd job, as I want him to eat decently...but they both do, just I am tired of doing the bulk of the shopping & Karah, too.
Well I am going to knock around the net, maybe my eyes will get tired, I don't know...
Just to let anyone who cares, know I am not DEAD or some crazy things like that! lol....I am going to take a multi vitamin at the least to try to help & maybe some iron pills, take more B-12 shots, that should put some fire under my ass....physically at least.
Other than that, Karah & Larry are engaged, it was in the paper, so I guess that means it is official, for a 2008 wedding. She wants to have the reception @ Edgar Allen Poe's home which is now a "hall", which is neat & she'll love that. Her wedding gown I KNOW is going to be red & her theme is red & black, the only white will be baby's breath.....I know that will rock & Dita, (Mansons wife) is going to send her some gown ideas that she herself looked at to pick one when she was looking at dresses, but of course we are going to pick a gown, then have someone else MAKE it as we can't afford any famous "labels"...lol
Well night all & I hope you all have a safe summer & keep dry with all this rain we are having lately, it seems like the world is changing, maybe this is the beginning to the end of time??? yeah right! hahah
Andrea
ps I don't know if this will work, this is the ad from my daughter's engagement announcement, it it does not work, I will stick it into my photo bucket & re-post it!
current mood:  contemplative
current music: An old song, "been around the world"
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| Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
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12:04 pm
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~List 10 things you want to say to people but you know you never will
~Don't say who they are or who you're referring to
~Disable comments
~Never discuss it again
~Tag 5 people to do the same
1. Its a shame to sit back and watch certian people who claim to care about me, stab me in the back.
2. My heart will never stop breaking for you.
3. Grow up, get some education and do something with your lives, instead of what you're doing now, because its starting to make me sick, and to be around some of you.
4. I really like to think you're the real deal, but, deep in my guts you came too soon.
5. The best thing that come out of tradegy, is a loving kind heart and soul like you, you are our bellsheep.
6. You are the ugliest girl, who thinks she is a model, maybe not as much on the outside but as much as you are in the inside. Wipe off half of that make up and get rid of the big bird hair-do and stop thinking you're the shit because you arent the shit, you are shit. Theres a big difference. One day you'll realize what that is.
7. I just wish we could spend a little more time together, alone. I wish I can take care of you like I used to when I had more health and money than I do now. Im sorry if im letting you down, but thank you for being there for me. I dont know how you can do it at your age.
8. You're both millionires and im happy for your sucess, but if I needed a slice of bread, I would never ask you for it. I hope you drown in your money, but I love you no matter what.
9. I admire you, I could never live in the shadow of someone's love, like you have for so long without him.
10. You think you have such an opinion on someones life, but you cant take a fucking compliment, you think its a come on, please dont love yourself that much, to think an old lady would come on to you. And what comes out of your mouth and mind is such bullshit, it admuses me to read it or hear about it. You need major therapy because I dont know why you hate parents or certian people so much when you should just look in the mirror and write what you see there instead of reeming people. You are so fake and will go nowhere with that attitude.
current mood:  Realistic
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| Friday, March 17th, 2006
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8:57 pm - I'm falling apart here.................
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I didn't think this would be still affecting me, the whole thing about Karah & seeing how much she suffered & all to deliver a dead child.
Her courage & realistic ourcome of it all, never really having any hopes higher than what the doctors told her, while I was praying & hoping the baby would get thru this all, all because I never wanted Karah to suffer the loss of a child, knowing this is the worst nightmare any woman culd live through. Now, every time I look at her, I feel so sorry for her, it isn't loosing Daniel that I am so upset about, it is all Karah has gone through. This was no bandaid I could put on her, no hugs to make it go away, no ice cream parlour to take her to to get her to over it...
I, on the other hand, am blaming myself for his heart problems, the life I let her lead, because I watched HER die in front of my eyes when she was diagnosed, when she recovered, I let her live her life to her fullest, most of the time with me being "near", and yet this was NOT one of the things I ever thought she'd go through.
Earlier today, as I havn't really told Karah or Larry how I am unable to get out of bed, let alone medically I am also falling apart due to lack of going to my own medical appts. I am crashing from the everyweek vigils with her to her specialists for the past 7 & 1/2 months, Larry held me in his arms and comforted me & he talked to me about how he was handling all of this, and Karah also talked with me, which helped me feel alot better. But still, nothing can wiope away the 6 day horror I watched my daughter go through, although I am so proud that she gave it her best go, she gave her baby a healthy body to live in, and eventually die in, I am so proud of the woman she has so far become. She really wasn't ready for this baby & it did ravage her georgeous body that she finally got to the right weight before becoming pregnant, this was NOT a planned thing, yet she still followed her heart, knowing whatever happened, would be what she would accept. I, because of my damned high hopes, and all my praying, opened myself to unrealistic expectations or "end comings" that were not meant to be.
Oh well I am ranting, just this is the 2nd time I have even been online since we all came home from the hospital, I am also suffereing from *NEW* complications from the "CA", that I still havn't been back to the lung Dr. since she became pregnant, now I am worried because I feel like shit, and look like it, too. I am weak, and cannot do the simplest of tasks, now I am thinking I cannot go on, not wanting to, at this point, tho I hope to snap out of this, someone please come here & slap my face!
Well, Thank all of you for being there, Rachel, Danny's Godmother, you have been the best thing that has come out of this, and Kelly & Erin, and Jess, for visiting Karah at the hospital, Rachel, if it wern't for you coming all of the time, I dont' know if Karah would have been as strong as if no one came, Larry's family, too were there for my daughter.
Well, I am going to look at tv, lie down with my fat cat, and vegitate, I ran out of pills to medicate, I dont drink & I have 2 friends that I havn't been able to reach to vent to, so I am sort of breaking down, and needed to write, yet the next minute I am trying to figure out how many pills I have collected that I can take to do myself in quietly & without too much vomiting involved....JKJK, but yeah, sometimes....
Oh yes, for that one person who talked shit about Karah's weight, I DO understand how you meant it to be, it IS a shame how much weight she did gain & this baby was NOT the best thing for her to go through, and we all felt bad that she even decided to go on with it, yet we loved her enough to support her decisions, even if it was against what we thought was best for her. Still, when people call her the next day & say "your name was brought up about your weight, ect" once you left by certain people, anyone would become defensive, so bear with her, she has been a bitch lately getting all pms'ing on us with her body returning to "normal", but yes please understand, by the time it got back around to Karah, I am sure it was blown up you know how stories grow and change. AND it was NOT Rachel who told her, and I am not going to narc out people to be accurate, or call them on why they thought Karah needed to know what was said. Just in case everyone thing Rachel has a big mouth, really she never ran to Karah talking about any of you talking about Karah....You totally underestamate how she IS loyal to most of you who think she runs talking shit or starting it, you all KNOW who called Karah & I will keep your secrets, I see nothing nor do I say nothing, it isn't my place to get involved.
And as far as the certain person who I am pressing assault charges on, and if any of my witnesses and her "ex-friends" run into her about, I don't care. I knew that would happen & she'd run to them praying on her forgiveness, as this is her way to get pity, and to try to turn them back into friends only to try to change their testamony against me, then dump their asses after the trial, as long as they tel the freaking truth in court, I don'c care who they associate with. It is only the fact that I AM depending on their moral judgements in telling the truth about what happened and they can go on with being friends with this person...I trust my witnesses 100% in them knowing that she is just using them because she is scarred that she WILL have FELONY on her name and WILL be convicted as she is guilty.
Well, Also I did a quirky thing, I called Larry King because Macaully Caulkin was a guest last night, and DAMN if I wasn't the last phone person & I got to ask Macaully a question, AND I asked him to say hi to my daughter Karah, AND HE DID!!!!( luckily I had a tape in the ole vcr & taped the show...we are trying to get it online!) LOL, she once wanted to grow up & Marry Maccaully! LOL
This cheered me up, Karah & Larry were looking it in the living room, I was on hold for like 45 mins, "waiting" and scarred that I'd be cut off like at anytime, she called everyshe she thought would be home, and I got in!!!!!! So this cheered me up as my lucky charm for her with meeting famous people, or them talking to her hasn't died yet!!! I STILL have my hopes and I KNOW as Dita has told us if Manson ever toured again, to let her know of our tickets we have & she will make sure she will come to one of our shows and she will give us passes like before but this time, Rachel will go backstage with Karah, as SHE truly WILL meet that man!!!!! I have Dita's promise!
So things will fal into place I am sure, I need to rest my MIND & maybe the body will follow, I have I know lost a few lbs, hah, about 3 thru this....but still I am NOT gaining which is good.
Well night to all & let us hope this "Spring Feaver" as I call it bullshit will blow over as everyone is itchy, and we all need a new venue to all meet in and socialize in, and re-fix any bonds that the winter maybe has strained.
*Andrea*
current mood:  scared
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| Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
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9:23 pm - Sleep in Heavenly Peace, Daniel
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Well, as I sit here, barely even able to see thru my tears flowing, I am announcing that I am a PROUD GRANDMOTHER! My Grandson, Daniel Lestat Kaileigh, was born on the 5th of Feb, at 9:41am, a Sunday's Child, born of Grace.
My daughter and her boyfriend, Larry, created a beautiful Angel. Anyone can make a baby, but they made a REAL Angel. Alot of people have children, and some of them have them here with them, on Earth, but theirs is of Heaven now, and even though I am so deeply heartbroken to my core, I know he put up a huge fight to be with us, and he suprised all of the BEST Specialists, surviving to his 27th week, dodging all the odds, he gave my daughter his best, and now he is giving us his all by being with us on our shoulders, always our Angel, and well, just posting this because we just got home from one HELLISH what was supposed to be an appointment this past Friday, in which there was no longer a little heartbeat, and seeing my baby girl going through 3 days of hard labor nearly dying herself several times, only to push her baby out to save her own life, my heart fell into many pieces as I watched HER life come back into her face these past few days as they both would have died if he lived much longer. She suffered for him, he died to save her.
5 days of HELL to realize that my grandson is with me right now, and I never lost him, He gave me back my daughter, and she means more to me than anything.
I am not going into specifics right now, that is her job, when she is ready. But I held him, rocked him, saw his perfect beautiful little face, his cute hands & feet his little nose, chin & ears all perfect! He was blessed by the priest, and we all spent time with him. We are seeing him this Friday, then we will have him back in a few days after that, to hold again, forever.
Larry's family was with us, too. ALL wonderful loving people, and my family and Karah's friends, THANKS for being there for US ALL during this bitter sweet time.
You ALL know who you are, and we are truly appreciative. I love YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!
We are home now, Karah is recovering, Her sugars are BRUTAL & she is on a COMA watch for 8 WEEKS! GRRRR, Larry is with her, been a GREAT supportative boyfriend, standing with Karah thru this all not leaving her side for a minute. So, their little family will always be together via their son, their Angel. No matter what will happen with them, their little son will be with them always. And I AM a grandmother finally, and will now have to learn how to play with him in my dreams. One good thing about that tho is I will never be too old or sick to be there for him, and I won't have to worry about HIM seeing ME die. I know know that when I DO DIE, He will be there, to take me by my hand to Heaven & will take me to my father where we ALL will play & laugh & love eachother, for infinity.
Sleep in Heavenly Peace my Precious Daniel.
You gave me the BEST TIME that you could.
YOU gave me little kicks, and little "waves"
on the "sonogram" screen.
You bound my daughter closer to me through
her time carrying you.
YOU living THIS LONG showed US ALL how you
wanted to STAY...
YOU LOVED US THAT MUCH, you made this known.
AND I KNOW you felt me, touching YOU many times,
and heard me sing a song or two.
So now I weep with sadness and joy, YOU are such a
Beautiful Angel BOY!
I love you and Thank YOU for trying so hard.
I will see you again.
*kisses to your forehead*
*taps it three times*
(your mommy knows what THAT means!)
Love,
Grandmother
current mood:  sympathetic
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| Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
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7:14 pm - I am in LABOR
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22 years ago, that is. Right now I have been in labor for 4 days now and in 2 more days i'll be delivering my daughter. They didnt admitt me until she had merconium. She was a dry birth, and worth every thing I went through that week to have her. She is the best thing in my life. So happy 22nd birthday baby!!
My babies' baby update... yesterday we went to the high risk and the baby is NOT dead. So screw those professionals who said that the baby was going to be dead 2 weeks ago!! Yes, the baby's heart rate is really low still, but the doctors and all are in awe as to why it is still alive, other than a strong will to live. It is underweight by a pound. My daughter is doing really well with her sugars. So we go to a fetal cardiologist for a echo to see exactly what is wrong with teh baby's heart because the doctors re saying that the baby wont die inside my daughter, and that when it is born, it will definatly need heart surgery. That is still iffy because we dont know what damage the heart has done to the other organs.
But it's a BOY....7 ounces...its the right length too. So we got great news, but still I am praying. I thank everyone who has been praying and sending me great words. And please keep praying for this to be a beautiful outcome. This baby so far has defied all odds and it is a miracale baby . I believe in miracles. Sonogram pics to follow in a week!
current mood: hopeful
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| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
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10:08 pm - on a GOOD note..........
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It has been a YEAR since we hung out with Manson & Dita...God how time FLIES!!!!!!!!!!!! Dita STILL keeps in touch with us as I think that is so cool & nice of her, of course we cannot "say" anything private she tells us (mostly me tho because she trust me cuz I am OLD)...but yes it is so cool how every day that has passed we Karah & I have mentioned how much of a miracle that was that it went down the way it did, with me having no ticket for the show & how I ended up near to where Dita sat at ect...it still is eerie how it all fell together so wonderfully. Oh well, that was another quick note worth mentioning!
current mood: but w/some good memories
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9:39 pm - The worst heartbreak a mother could witness
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Well, I hate to write this being still supersticious and everything, but my daughter, is entering her 5 & 1/2 months of pregnancy & we have been told all along the heart rate is low, as low as in the 40's sometimes, bot other times it is fine. We go to the best High Risk Department (NOT Hopkins tho), for reasons I won't say. But her being a type 1 diabetic, they DO watch over her very carefully, getting sonograms every 2 weeks, the baby IS growing fine, she has been showing since month 4 & 1/2, her weight gain is about 10lbs over what they'd like but it isn'd becuase of her eating alot, it is because she is on 4 times the amount of insulin a normal diabetic takes, and that is not helping her weight, but it IS necessary.
But this last time about a week ago, after each visit hearing bad news each time, this visit was to determine the sex of the baby, the one MD told my daughter there was fluid around the heart & this is a good sign of heart failure, and she didn't expect our baby to live past 24 hours. Now, theother MD, has better bed side manners, as I was PISSED as to how coldly the other "specialist" just blurted out the news. Now mind you all along, for 5 months, we have gotten the news "this baby is not going to live", and here we are, at the middle of the fifth month....So yes it is like 90% that the baby will die. No signs, no bleeding or cramping, nothing. My daughter HAS to walk around NOT knowing when her baby will die.
We go back on the 29th to "hear" and see the baby again, due to the holidays. and I must say my daughter is so strong, I am blubbering and praying & crying, as my heart is breaking for HER, I mean yes I love the baby, my only chance of being a grandmother, but my baby is being so strong & so supportative, I KNOW she is crying alone, as she is like her father, she holds back her feelings, which is not a trait I like, as I better know how people feel when they let it all out, yet my daughter is saying she does not want to upset herself nor the baby, and she wants to give her child a positive place to stay in, no matter what...and that crying is like admitting all these horrible things could really be true. So she is still pregnant, the MD's did say IF the baby dies, her sugars would go crazy, and so far, she is tightly in control, so the baby is alove & she is getting bigger, no fluttering movements, or any signs yet of that, but "if" there is no heartbeat, she has & will be delivering a still birth, and she & Larry and I are going to view the baby & a priest will be praying for it, and they are giving it the chosen name once we know the sex, and having a Death certificate done then an autopsy, She does NOT want another child after this.
The names are: a girl: will be Klaudia Lynne, and if it is a boy: Lestat Brian incorporating both her & Larry's last names hypen-nated as they are not married.
So this is my news, I am praying, the sonograms of the baby are perfect, it looks like a doll! I can only pray to God to let it go or live & let my daughter live also too, as we do not want her to suffer from having this baby for her to die later on also, in years. I want my daughter first, that has always been our thoughts, and there is a thing called "mirror syndrome" where if the baby gets too sick Karah will suffer the symptoms the baby has, aka, Karah's heart can suffer, ans we are tightly watching for that, too. My heart is totally splintered, I am not giving up hope, I DO still have HOPE, I will not let that go, just I need to say how proud I am of MY baby & where she gets her strength I do not know, for allwe know, the baby could have been dead all this week & she does not know, I'd want to check every day, so I would know so I can take care of things, but she is just so strong, yet my heart is breaking for her & this whole situation.
NO MOTHER should bury their children, yet we do, when they are older, AND yes some still births, but it is VERY hard for ME to watch MY BABY love her little unborn baby, KNOWING it could die or be already dead, this is killing ME....and I know her, too....What a HUGE heartache, the worst ever in my life.
The good side is the baby "could" be born & everything will be fine, that is the dream side, the side I hope for..the side the specialists only give us a 10% chance of.
ALL prayers will be appreciated. Thanks!
I will let all know what is up as we go to the specialists on Nov 29th. till then, we wait...WHICH I HATE TO DO, AND to top it all off her birthday is on the 2nd of Dec...in which years ago she had a mis-carriage...poor girl hates her birthday, so we are trying toa void any delivery's on the 2nd, or near that to say the least....
Thanks to all who are reading this...
current mood: crushed
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| Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
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6:54 am - on another note, my grand child to be.....is in danger
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Due to me being an "Italian Supersticious" personality, aka I don't talk about anything to I do not Jinx things, I am now devistated to announce that yesturday my daughter & I and Larry went to St. Joes for her monthly check up & for a first trimester sonogram, this is an earlier version of amnio-avoiding testing to "see" certain things that indicate if the baby has anything showing early severe disorders, ect by them looking at the fluid behind the baby's neck & how the heart is developing, and gestional age & comparing it to Karah's blood tests at that same time, ect for genetic/physical problems before the 16 week cut off date for aborting problematic pregnancies, this IS just an "optional test" and not mandatory at all, just we thought it was a good idea to have it, not thinking there would show any problems, well I thought wrong, we all did.
Apparently, there IS some extra tissue & fluid in the base of the baby's neck AND its little heart beat was down to 40 instead of the usual 125-160 beats per minute. AND NOW I am so horrible heartbroken at the news, AND the doctor totally PISSED the shit out of me by making her remark, "With the heartbeat at only 40, the baby is probabally dying right now"..which is feel is totally unprofessional, I mean she could have chosen a better way to say shit like that, no tact at all, yet she is supposed to be the "best" at the Neonatal High Risk Department....She was wrong initially when we thought Karah was 8 weeks pregnant, and she was just 6 weeks, we were off by 2 weeks & she said the baby was not going to be "viable", so yes, there is indications that the baby could have Trisomy 18, which is a genetic disorder, causing HUGE mental retardation & physical deformities, which has nothing to do with Karah's diabetes at all. So tomorrow we go to a Genetic counselor, BUT...the heartbeat, that is another problem that COULD have been caused back when her sugars were out of control before we found out she was pregnant Y she was put on 3 different insulins that month, which caused her to ovulate out of order & thus she got pregnant because she ovulated like 3 times within a 6 week time, so now I asked the MD IF it was just a heart defect, could that be operated on AFTER the baby is born, she did say YES....which is a light at the end of this horrible tunnel we were thrown into yesturday.
Karah is bieng her normal pillar of strength & her logical controlled strength, and yes she has cried her eyes out & so has Larry, yet she is holding it together much better than I am.
I mean I am supposed to kiss things & make them better, yet I am totally helpless in this one & there is nt a word in the world that can console her, Larry is the one who can help her as it is their child at risk, but I, at this point am praying more than I was before & that is ALOT, and just hoping it will all work out.
I just yesturday began to crochet a baby blanket thinking it was "ok" to make something as I couldn't NOT make something due to my excitement, and now I am like not able to touch the baby blanket at this point. I just ask all my friends to say a prayer for tomorrow & for my daughter, she has done all the right things to keep her sugars perfect & I see this pregnancy is taking its toll on her, yet she is haiging in there, but still I can't get past that look in her eyes of total shock & despair, something I cannot kiss away or comfort.
I know how she is feeling, I had like 4 miscarriages & even 3 abortions (due to medical problems with the baby) and no one could console me either, just I was hoping this wouldn't factor into her once in a million chance of her concieveing at all...I wish her & Larry the best with this one, her health is and always have been the first priority, just I never thought that a genetic issue would arise as we have no genetic problems in our families, so, go figure with her & my luck, we'd be going thru a first time in the history of our families situation.
Well, I am leaving it to God (who is MY higher power) and all of the Saints, ect...to be strong for Karah & just to be there for her when she needs someone like me, her mother to be there. Just I HATE IT when I am so helpless & useless to the only person I truly live to take care of, my child.
Oh well I will fill in more once we see the Geneticist tomorrow, hopefully, the baby will ust end up having a small heart problem that a surgery can fix after it is born & even tho the sonogram showed a GEORGEOUS, WELL DEVELOPED baby, that is what we will get, but I cannot see this baby "dying" like the doctor said, I mean it looked too healthy & too perfect sonogram-wise, actually it is a little too big for its age due to the tons of insulin she is on and I can't phathom it not being here, in 6 months from now, all tucked & compfy in that damn blanket I began to make yesturday.....Crossing all the things that I still can cross on my body & gonna go now & light a candle & say a little prayer so all works out well.
Thanks to all her friends who called yesturday & posted in her LJ, one really knows who their friends are when shit hits the fan like it has been doing since yesturday, it DOES help her more than you all can imagine....
current mood: AND crushed
current music: too early, just the news on tv
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6:39 am - A new Pain Therapist
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Well ages ago, I went to a total of three pain therapists throughout the years since 1976, treating me for chronic pain from an assortment of terminal diseases I have been diagnosed for, and I have been through accu-puncture to them nearly overdosing me with morphine, still nothing really worked on a long-term basis, AND I havn't died yet from things I should have died from ages ago, so since I have long out-lived those things that should have killed me, I am now at the stage of yet another pain management specialist.
He is good, tender & very understandable of how long I have been putting off seeing a "new" doctor. I become so highly resistant to alot of drugs, that it sometimes seems pointless for me to go back to "managed drug therpaies", but I am again at the stage (especially with the new diagnosis from last July, to go to pain management.
So now I am on a mix of morphine & percocette, which so far are working, just for how long, I don't know. I am always up for new technologies tho, and I do not expect to be totally pain FREE every day, but want & need to live at about a level 5 from 1-10, and be able to function, so now since the past month I have been seeing him, I am able to be around 7-8, he is adjusting doses ect. I hope he can find something I can take without becoming resistant, this is very hard as my father was highly resistant, and like him, I also wake up during surgeries, ect. The morphine is just 30mgs once a day then the percocette is every 4 hours, so time will tell. I also managed to trust this doctor enough to let him begin me on a series of nerve block injections in the muscles, which I had 10 shots a few days ago, lasting only 48 hours, AND being the HUGE chicken that I am, had to have Karah there in the room with me, holding my hand. But it wasn't that bad, and now I am "thawing out", and feeling the pain returning anyway, but at least I now know those troubled spots & what hurts more ect.
So, time will tell if I become a full blown addict to morphine because the 30mgs is not cutting it at all, and lol, I HOPE he can return me if I become addicted lol, which is rare because as soon as I feel like I "need the meds" just to get out of bed, I stop them, being too scarred that I will be hooked on any meds, so this time, I am taking it slow & trusting in his judgement. I just hate beginning something that ends up being a huge bust in the end & just relying on my high tolerance for taking the pain & just "existing" without the meds. Too much is going on for me to suffer like this & I need to have more mobility with a comfort zone here.
So enough about that, pain therapy is in & so far, things are working out pretty good with me in that dept.
I hope everyone is having a great "fall season", it is great to once again feel the cool breezes thru my windows instead of running the air conditioner at 70 24/7, which is costing too much, so now I am happy that my favorite time of the year is here, fall & soon winter!
My pits are doing a happy dance & so is my wallet!!!!
current mood: amused
current music: Fox news in the morning
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| Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
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2:47 am - random thingy
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ok, so yes everything is going great so far with my daughter & the baby & so far, it is still crossing fingers, praying & her being on home rest & her bored, but she is back into writing & her art & going to take some classes. Since her Aunt is Dean of Towson University, she COULD go to classes there with a HUGE discount even free IF that, she can't, she isn't allowed to drive too far, or be "up & around" for too long because her insulin has been increased SOOO much that she drops suddenly & can go into coma with this pregnancy, so she may be looking into net college classes.
But I know things will be fine, just combining diabetes AND pregnancy besides her health risks, her moodiness with the two, are a little, let's say BRUTAL..lol...I mean it IS very scarry as both could kill her at any moment, and if that is not enough stress, trying to have her help me do any heavy housework, is impossible because she isn't allowed to life anythng over 20lbs..and she sleeps alot, which is good as sleep silents her "moody" ways lately, not that it is a BAD thing, but managing her sugars & the high insulin has not helped, but that is the way things have to be & I KNOW she isn't being a meanie on purpose.
So everything is great so far with that & as for me, aside from my normal illness crap, well that is on track, everything is STILL crappy. I have been having alot of chest pains lately & I KNOW my heart DR. is on stand-by waiting to do the replacement of the stents in my heart, as they were scheduled for last year!~
Not that I am putting the procedure off, it is just that I was told I will need another open heart & once he gets into there, I know with MY LUCK, I will end up beind admitted for it now, and I cannot do it now, and I guess I am just hoping I can "put it off" till the baby is born & then I can go into it with a more relaxed mind & atmosphere, if that makes any sense at all.
So here is my tombstone, lol, this is lame, but I HAD to do it.
I hope everyone has been doing okay, and fall is here & thank GOD because I love the fall & winter & have more clothes to wear over the summer ones! :)
current mood:  content
current music: "silence"
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| Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
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1:28 am - I am gonna be a grandmother!!!!!!
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My daughter is 7 weeks pregnant & even tho she is a Type 1 diabetic, she is highly being watched by High Risk GYN'S & Endocrinologists & so on, so here is my growth ticker as I want to see the progress on my LJ, as since she is still "early & very complicated & risky" I still want to enjoy my happiness!!!! So I will put it on my front page, even tho we ALLKNOW I am NOT the ONE pregnant!!!! hehe like another GODLY miracle would have to happen for ME to concieve!!!! LOL
Andrea
current mood:  rejuvenated
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| Thursday, September 8th, 2005
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1:46 am
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Ya know, I am so pissed off at this person who my daughter knows & I have seen a few times, he makes this lame ass post, HIS opinion yes, HIS FREEDOM of SPEECH, yet he has zero right to cut down my daughter, her boyfriend THEIR pregnancy or me.
I swear to God, I am so pissed right now, that I have to hold myself back from GOING to his house & telling his sleazy ass off!
First, Sunday night, I go to the club with my daughter & her boyfriend, as I sometimes, do. Later, after it closed, I find out we were invited to go back to her friends home for a little get together (she & her boyfriend share a town house with this guy & his girlfriend)...so we get there, and he is like NOT informed we three were coming, not to mention a few other people....I DID say to him after he grumbled something about him NOT knowing we were coming, I said "we can always go", he said, "well keep any noise down because his girlfriend has to get up at 8am", and once everyone INVITED was there, we all went down into the basement & talk & chat ect.
NOW, this GUY is someone I ALWAYS complementd on because he looks GOOD wearing make up for such a BIG guy, and I always told him how nice he looks, ect,(And I do say if I were young, ect)... as I do with EVERYONE, guys & girls, I have to tell someone (if they strike me) that they are georgeous or wearing something I like, or their make up job, ect....AND he accused ME of hitting on him, like YEAH, I am 51, can't I complement him without him thinking I want his ass???? OOOH PPLEEEAASEEEEEE.......
Can't he take a freaking complement? I mean yeah he does not know me that well, but I am sure even the strangers I complement know I am NOT hitting on them, Jesus H Christ....Like he is just 21 or some shit like that....AND yeah like I am ONLY complementing just HIM? Come on.....then he has to rant on about "pregnancy's", aborting babies & a certain remark about a guy's "past" and shit like that, and all those who know my daughter, and her boyfriend just found out they are expecting, (8 weeks pregnant), he goes on MORE...I am putting his post in here because he is SICK to go on like this, when all the while I have treated him nicely & nothing else...as have my daughter, and her boyfriend & others who were INVITED there...so here is HIS post.....YES this is HIS FREEDOM of speech, but when you use this freedom to HURT OTHERS WILLINGLY, then that is just CRUEL & STUPID & PATHETIC..NOT to mention it makes him VERY UGLY on the inside, and I pity him alot. My daughter's reply to his post is under her name, (ghsblackrose).
But I try to be nice to everyone, and still I get CRAPPED on, so I say screw it, as far as THIS PATHETIC guy is concerned...AND my daughter's decision to keep her child even tho she has BRITTLE type 1 DIABETES, is totally a GREAT DANGER, and I stand by her no matter what, yet he has the balls to post about her (and anyone else's) like maybe he hated being born or some crazy shit, and HE should have been not born? Is this a little sick & twisted? AND to bring in her boyfriend having gotten his ex pregnant, yet he never wanted that child's mother at all, and he left her, yet he IS in his daughter's life & loves her very much, and so on....like this guy one day is going to have a "scheduled child & life & be so perfect"? HAHAHA, I highly doubt that, his personality can't take the game....
So yeah here is his post & reply's of people who came, and we WERE QUIET, too. so SHIT ON HIM!!!! Maybe HIS mother was a total reject, and his life is ruined because of it, but my daughter & I have a GREAT relatinship, who is HE to judge??? HE IS NOTHING...
I feel better now because I wanted to reply to his post but he has it "friends only", so if anyone I KNOW (Rachel) wants to copy & post this to him, feel free to do so...he is so wrong & I am hurt & PISSED at his ass, NOT to mention Larry is FUMING, and Karah is so calm about things like this, I guess it is the Italian in me, or maybe just MAD that I treated him nicely, yet I get this attack????
POOP ON HIM! OH YEAH AND I guess his "room mates" are not allowed to have visitors....GEESH I say get your deposit back & find another SANE person to live with....THEY are popular people, and they don't deserve this shit, Hell NO
Andrea
(read below)..................
Mr. Reich Will Eat This World (platformjunkie) wrote,
@ 2005-09-06 23:02:00
Current mood: irritated
Current music: Ozzy Osbourne "I just want you"
Today, Bethany cut my hair much shorter than it has been for some time. I had accumulated a lot of damage between the summer sun (which always foists a bit of drying on me) as well as my penchant for constant flat-ironing. It's weird to see because I'm not used to it. It's fun to have a change. At this point, my mohawk is almost completely grown out. I was going to have to cut it to even out the under-growth anyway. It feels much healthier.
As an aside, or as the dear gents from Monty Python would exclaim "Now for something completely different:"
People should really think about things before they do them. Like whether it is appropriate or not for them to reproduce. If you can barely take care of yourself, If you are involved with someone who has a history of irresponsibly knocking people up, If you live with your parents: Perhaps childbirth would not be the best thing, eh? I see this kind of shit over and over and over again until it just makes me want to pop. It's fucking child abuse to bring a kid into the world when you know (for a goddamned fact) that you cannot possibly care for it properly. Be humane: abort! We don't need any more fucked-up I-call-my-mom-susan-and-i-have-issues-because-my-parents-didn't-know-what-the-fuck-they-were-doing-and-were-so-poor-they-could-never-be-around-type-kids.
Also, a lesson we must all not forget: Don't fucking invite yourself places. It's not a big deal when a few more people show up at my domecile than was originally planned, but I don't need 15 people showing instead of three or four. I especially don't need some jack-assed I'm-a-male-stripper-and-I'm-so-fucking-cool-I-look-like-the-fucking-fonz-ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh-I-drive-an-IroqZ28-Tony-Danza-looking-Disco-Fever-MotherFucker sitting around and laming my pad up. Take a goddamned hint when I say my girlfriend is sleeping and I'm talking about how I didn't expect so many people to show up. Also, no one ever, EVER bring their mom to my place, especially if they have a tendency to hit on me and make me uncomfortable.
/End Rant
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(Post a new comment)
muscovietbyte
2005-09-07 03:19 (link)
um.....Jerica and John invited me over..beyond that...is tehre something I should say?
(Reply to this)(Thread)
platformjunkie
2005-09-07 06:19 (link)
Not directed at you. You were invited. You didn't assume.
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
muscovietbyte
2005-09-07 22:37 (link)
Ok I was just wondering.8P
(Reply to this)(Parent)
missforsaken
2005-09-07 06:33 (link)
Wooooooah! Hold on there..I feel I have to say something. You know how I am about not ever going places unless I am invited. Well, I was asked if I was going over to your house and I had said no because I wasnt officially invited at first. Then I talked to Jon and he told me it was alright to comeover. Jerica invited our very good friend Karen who I was riding with and I thought it all was fine. The Tony Danza looking stripper you were referring to in your post was our designated driver and a friend of Karen and I. That was pretty rude that you posted what you did about him by the way. He thought you were cool and thought he was welcome there. (Also Jerica knows him). I had no idea we were walking into your house with no invitation and that you didn't want people there. I realize that your girlfriend was sleeping but you seemed sincere in asking us to come downstairs and party quietly in which we did. You gave off no clue to me that you didn't want me there-or the other people for that matter. I am sorry and I don't think I will ever feel comfortable coming over again, so you will have one less person to worry about. We left when you wanted us to and I am sorry to have kept you up. As for the other people that came-I have no control over them coming and did not invite anyone. I have respect for people and their homes and I honestly would have just left if I knew you felt this way about us being there. I do take offense to this post and I am a little upset. I know that Karen was so happy to have been invited so that she could visit with Jerica since it has been a while since they have hung out and it was also her birthday. I guess next time people comeover and you weren't expecting it-you should speak up and be blunt instead of giving 'hints' so that they all know you don't want them there and they can leave right then. I am real sorry it caused such a problem that I was there with Karen and Joe. I feel like this post was directed in part to me.
(Reply to this)(Thread)
platformjunkie
2005-09-07 18:39 (link)
I have to straighten my facts out. Jon told me that he only invited four or five people and everyone else just showed up. If that is true, then I stand by what I said and I think it was rude as shit. If Jerica actually did invite you all, then I apologize as I am misinformed.
As for the stripper guy, I'll make no bones about that, I didn't like him. I thought he as a cocky douchebag and he was REPEATEDLY loud outside when I asked him to quiet down.
As for you feeling welcome, return your attention to my above comment. If am wrong and you were invited, this isn't held against you.
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
missforsaken
2005-09-07 21:18 (link)
Ok, I know stripper Joe can be arrogant and a douche at time..He just happened to be our driver though that nigh, so I apologize. I was arguing with him most the night and he was annoying the crap out of me also-so I totally understand that. I am sorry everyone bombarded you on a bad night. It was good to see you though anyways. I won't be goin out much more in the future-so could be a while before I see you or anyone else in the group for that matter. I'm trying to get myself straight and should have a car by the end of this month or sometime in Oct.and would like to talk more to you about that job promoting.Keep in touch.
(Reply to this)(Parent)
beemunkee
2005-09-08 02:33 (link)
there is no reason to think you are never welcome here. it was just a big misunderstanding. next time we all just need to be more clear with each other.
(Reply to this)(Parent)
ghsblackrose
2005-09-07 11:57 (link)
Okay, if you truely think my mother was seriously hitting on you, then you obviously dont know her humor. I mean she compliments everyone, boys and girls. There is a hughe difference between complimenting someone and hitting on someone. She appreciates makeup talent as well as good looks. And im sorry if she makes you feel uncomfortable, but she was with us and Jerica wanted us to come. She invited us three. And im not going to drive my mother home with gas prices so high, and time running late to just drop her home. And I do believe we didnt stay very late at all. And I didnt really say a goddamn thing. I respected you and didnt get loud or try to wake up Bethany.
Second, how do you know that I am not capable to take care of a baby. And why do you go upon rumors about Larry? He only got ONE person pregnant, and Kaitlyn, hah, she fucked around it could he Larry's or 5 other men's child. And You dont know that medically due to past events that I may never be able to get pregnant and that I may not even carry it full term. And I can fucking take care of a Baby, as if you know all my finacial issues and what I have saved. I cant believe that you're talking this way about my mother and I. I mean I thought that we were civil and shit like this wasnt going to happen.
If you have a problem with people getting pregnant, and it bothers you that I am, so be it. However, you dont know my situation, you obviously have now knowledge about my capabilities.
AND if you have a problem with people coming over to your house after a club, well i can asure you that if Jerica ever invited Me, Larry, or my bothersome Mother over, we will never be there. I am sorry. I take soo much offense to this post, espcially attacking my mother and the fact im pregnant.
(Reply to this)(Thread)
beemunkee
2005-09-08 02:52 (link)
i'm going to try not to make excuses for anyone or shove my foot in my mouth by expressing my own opinions but even though rick does not know the entire story he does have a right to his opinion. you must also be aware of the fact that you have no knowledge of his situation. maybe, for one moment, you might like to consider that he may have the life experience to justify these statements. that he was one of these unexpected pregnancies that could not be provided for.
maybe he's not directing this wholeheartedly at you and he's just ranting for his own fulfillment. maybe he has a livejournal for the purpose of self expression and not to piss off people and unmake friends. don't you think that you might have said something on livejournal at some point in your life that might have pissed someone off.
we all have different opinions and ways of living. we're all given the right to live how we please. this does not make him right or you wrong. i'm just wondering if you really feel the need to fault him or anyone else for individual thinking.
we all should think for ourselves.
(Reply to this)(Parent)
current mood:  shocked
current music: Nancy Grace on CNN
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| Sunday, July 10th, 2005
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4:07 am - summer update,,,
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I KNOW i am not a BIG writer on this, but just to let everyone know I have been havng a hard time with this Cancer thing. Well it is "embedded" in calcified tissue, so the node is growing slowly but NOT spreading as it can't in calcified tissue. So that is GOOD, we are watching it, but the end result will be removing the rest of what is left of the right lung because I do not want them to just take out the node, that is silly since I barely have 1/4 ot the lung left anyway..plus the chances of it going into the left lung is HIGH AND it could always come back...So the MD's tried to get my white blood cells UP as they were too low for chemo or radiation (which I am not too keen on having anyway) but I had BAD reactins to it, and cannot take that. So basically without high white blood cells I can't have chemo anyway.
THEN all of this is making me weak because my RED blood cells are UP now because of the reactions...Go figure IF I did want to save my own life, I couldn't LOL....MY LUCK, but I am sure once the node is big enough and they take out the lung, I should be fine & I can save up my own white blood cells once I am admitted for the surgery & they can put them back into me or something like that!
THEN, I am a little pissed about certain people, I cannot say who, but just someone who recently was "introduced" into the let's call it an "inner circle" a little time ago & she totally has made such enemies and a BAD reputation with everyone we know, and it is sad because she had potential to
"fit in" but certain unprofessional things were crossed and then ALOT of other things just snowballed downhill. This makes me sad yet I am not worrying abut it because things are back to normal with everyone now that she is out of the picture. Just I hate to make excuses for people that just do not deserve them, and who screw it up for those who said they were nice, when they turned out NOT to be....AND so now I am free of that because I do not care anymore....I used to alot, but not after this past weekend & things I heard about. SICK SHIT believe me, no morales, nothing, no conscience, no class at all, and especially when someone thinks they are the "shit" when they totally look rediculous and everyone is laughing at them, this hurts me & I am not going to get in the middle of anything, or try to save their face, it is now at the point where it is "un-savable" anyway.
Well, my cat, Twiggy is fine, but my Hampsters, died....first, Blackrose, somehow crawled under a ceramic feeding bowl & must have fell asleep & smothered as when I went to change her bowl there she was squashed like a pancake (I now it is funny sort of) but a total SHOCK to me & that was the first devistation....that was about 2 months ago. So, the little white hampster (they both were miniature russian dwarf hampsters) his name was Stewart, well 2 weeks ago, he was bitten on his bottom by the "replacement hamspter my daughter got me for Blackrose dying", who I named Daisy...they never did get along. So one day while I was holding him, he was bleeding from his bottom on my hand, then about 3 days later, he wasn't eating or running in his wheel, then he went nearly comatose, I was crying as he was dying right in front of me. I did try to wake him, or arouse him into conscieness, and he did perk up for a few minutes, but nothing. Then after a few hours, I tried to give him little drops of water, and he seemed to take it, but I must have aspirated him (water in his lungs) and he made a few chocking movements & died in my hands.
Well I at this point knew he was dying anyway but figured the water could save him or help him, and NOW I feel like I murdered him...the poor little thing. I made Karah give the pet shop back Daisy (that little monster), I never bonded with her anyway...but when blackrose died, Stewart was all lonely & didn't know what to do alone....so I cried till I couldn't see, and held him until he was cold & stiff, poor baby doll.
I do not want any more little critters, Twiggy, my GOD, he is like the best cat in my life & I hope I go before he does, I cannot imagine what I would do when he dies, I KNOW I won't survive that....I can't even think about it. I mean Karah is out all the time working then with Larry (her new bo), and I am here with Twiggy, just us 2....so it will be a contest I guess to see who goes first, him or me!
LOL
Oh well, I have rambled enough, it is 4:36, and I NEED to sleep, my pain meds are not helping me so I guess I will just take a sleeping pill & HOPE it works....
Have a GREAT summer to everyone, and I am sorry, but I havn't been too well to post much, even had to give up on my space for awhile, it is still there, just am not going into it as I am just too weak lately to bother.
Love you ALL!
Andrea
current mood: blank
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| Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
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4:35 am
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| Thursday, May 5th, 2005
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4:18 am - just a thingy
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Your Birthdate: January 17 |
Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense.
Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise.
You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease.
You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them.
A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection. |
current mood: crappy
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| Tuesday, April 19th, 2005
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5:30 am - blah stolen from my daughter's LJ..another QUIZ
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well I am tired from this weekend, with spring here, I am spring cleaning, got the laundry ready 5 bags, but that is ALL of the heavy bedding, bed clothes, ect, tons of whites, and towels, ect..most of the clothes from fall/winter that are too big on me now, ect. So all I need is the $ to do it all! So, it sits in the living room AND this Friday Karah is having an Anti-Anniversary party to celebrate what would have been her 1 year with asshold Dave. I hope all of her friends come to support her & help her celebrate having them back in her life as he tried to break them all up. So the back is doing much better, it has been 8 weeks, I can sit longer, if I sit the "right way" not too much on the tailbone ares, more on the thighs is better. No more pain pills left & I do still need them tho at night when it all gangs up on me, so I am going to ask the surgeon for "something" because over the counter things do not hit me at all.
I hope everyone is fine on here, My daughter did another photo shoot this past Sunday, it was so cool, I love watching her work, she is getting better at showing emotions & she needs to work on "agility" and looseness with the camera. It is good to know that your kid can't be a "natural slut" in front of the camera tho, as there are too many who can be more natural at it, I know I am much more outgoing with cameras but she is more laid back & a little more subtle, which I like about her.
Her shots tho are great, I'll find out how to post them here as she helped me with the Manson ones, so she has to help me post some again here as I totally forgot how to do it!
Well here is a thingy I took from her LJ...take care all!
current mood: sleepy
current music: am tv fox 48 news (waiting for "new pope" smoke)
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| Wednesday, April 6th, 2005
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10:09 am - oh well, I did it again....another QUIZ
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Take the quiz: "What Gruesome Death Are You? (contains yummy pics!)"
Cult Sacrifice
Whether you'll admit it to yourself or not, you're naive. That's why your pathetically weak mind will be easy prey for the twisted cult that you'll be assimilated into. There's no reason to be worried; you'll be able to live a long, long life of worshipping a false deity and suffering immensely because of that faith before your Brothers and Sisters in delusion finally decide to slaughter you in sacrifice. And it gets better! Since torment will be especially important for the ritual, it might take up to seven days for the pain to finally quench your soul.
current mood: amused
current music: Pope news pn tv
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8:56 am - I need everyone's help
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PLEASE click on the link below & sign up for NeoPets!!! Recently, my accounts were hacked after 5 years of being on this site. It is fine if you do not us it, I just need referrals to get points so I can re-join & try to retrieve my other 7 accounts!
It is the most popular virtual pet site & gameing site, it is FREE & you do not have to really participate, just I need the referrals!
Thanks, I will look for my referral points to add up!!!!!
Andrea
http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=karahbear
current mood:  bouncy
current music: Bitter .click.
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| Saturday, April 2nd, 2005
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1:35 pm - *I am so STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
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It seems the only time I post is when the shit hits the fan, I never really have had much good things to write about anyway lately, so here goes for the next round of shit in a can that I seemed to open":
A few days my daughter's "ex" came to the door, saying he had a fight with the person he was staying with, and he had no where to go, no one to call, and he left some phone numbers & IM SN's of people on her computer & could he come in & get them so he could find another place to stay. Me, being such a frigging "no matter what, if someone needs me, even if they devistate someone I love" lets him in AFTER talking awhile in the hall tho. Well her computer was off due to me defragging it (it WAS so messed up from all the shit he had on it), and she was ot & going to sleep at a friends, we try to shut hers down & give it a rest, so she like she has done in the past, left her AIM signed in on MY computer which is still in my bedroom just in case one of her friends are in trouble or needs, her since her cell phone is not on, we have been doing this when she goes out. (puffs)...so he stayed & I gave him a long enough amount of time to find someone, well he first said he couldn't find the papers with his phone numbers on it, which were in her desk drawer...ALL of my neopet accounts WITH the passwords were in there since he left, AND my LJ< ect accounts...not thinking he'd ever come here again, I gave them to her in case I forgot a password, ect...Well, time goes by & it led up to him leaving his AIM on telling me he was waiting for his friend/s to IM him with a way to get hm outta here.
Well it ended up him sleeping over, till the next afternoon, no one contacted him, he told me he hasn't been online since she kicked him out & could he check his mail, ect, so I said yes, NOT thinking he'd fuck anything up since they were through & who else could he DAMAGE??????????? Well aparently I am finding out that he CREATED another name & posted or talked, or whatever, I still am trying to find out what, a GOOD friend of hers and because HE was on HER computer, now THEY think it was Karah!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 See what shit I get into, and now they ahte HER!!! So, last night when she got all into this crap by the boyfriend of her girlfriend IM'ing her with HER IP address on it, I had to tell her that while she was at her friends, Dave came here, not having a place to stay, needing number, ect....that I let him here & enver told her (I figured she'd be upset because she is still hurting yet mad over their breakup) AND I managed to get him out before she got home from work. So, I never thought he'd mess with anyone since they all were friends with her once again, NOT even knowing he took MY passwords, until last night when she talked with a friend of her friend's/
Well, So now I told her last night about Dve being here, and she HIT THE FAN, this time she BROKE MY ASS & CRIED and was the worst of MAD at me than she has ever been before. She called me so many names, I can't remember the last time even I said shit like that to MY mother & sometimes WE AGRUE!! Boy, so now, I am trying to contact her friends to tell them I let Dave in, one is graduating, I don't know where the other is, because on THEIR LJ's they assumed (of course with the same IP address, I undewrstand WHY they would blame her) but they never called her to find out what is happening, so they posted shit about her, deleted her from friends lists, ect, all the while, she not knowint WTF was happening, so now I am sitting here, TRYING to PRAY for the poor POPE (whom I LOVE to DEATH), very sad still over the WORLD letting that Florida girl, Terri STARVE TO DEATH all because of "here say" abuout her last wishes to a husband who has moved on anyway, now THIS! I feel like SHIT tho that her friends jumped without calling her, or even thinking the WORST, that maybe she even got back with Dave, or something other than thinking she ever hurt them, or their friendship. We did try to call all week, just to say hi, but her friend never called her back, and we were worrying, now I KNOW WHY.....Oh I feel so shitty I am so tired of being Ms. NICE MOMMY!!! I an not going to be nice anymore, I am just going to throw myself into nothingness until this is all straight. Her friend did reply to me tho and is giong to call me hopefully they will all get this fixed. I talked with Karah at work a little while ago & she said "she didn't want to hear "it", all I wanted to tell her is that her friend finally contacted me. I guess she is felling a bit betrayed by me letting HIM back, I never thought it would be as ong of a stay as it ended up being nor would he hurt all of MY accounts, which he KNOWS are precious to ME, not to mention now, last night she went looking thru some of her cd's & her jewlry box & stuff IS now missing. So now, I wait, for the friends to call me, for the POPE to have a miracle & live & be totally HEALED, or to die a peaceful death, which is something I know I wish I was doing right now.
Sorry for being so, I don't know, NEGATIVE. One day, I will post nice flowery things, I do have 3 car payments left which is a good thing, I can't tho right now think of one other good thing to post about, that is so pathetic & I am NOT a pathetic person, only when I seem to fuck things up by helping worthless people.
Andrea
current mood: disappointed
current music: Fox NEWS...
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